Train a Child.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
                                                                                                       Proverbs 22:6

I am writing this today to all those children, particularly adult children of strict Christian parents. I also write it as a warning to Christian parents who would be too strict with their children.
Recently I was at a speaking engagement. It was a secular event and had nothing to do with the church.
There were several speakers at the event. Each of us were giving a talk about a specific traumatic event in our lives and how we dealt with it.
The speaker ahead of me in particular fascinated me. Although I’d heard her speak many times before it was only now that I realized that we were in many ways opposites. And I found myself feeling sorry for her.
She was a survivor and a very successful person. I have an incredible respect for her. But what stood out in my mind about her was that although she’d been brought up in a Christian home she’d wandered away.
From what she told me her parents were very strict Christians who for all intents and purposes forced their faith on her. Rather than turning her to the Lord all it had succeeded in doing was push her further away and into the world.
By contrast my parents were what I would call open minded democratic socialist who had shunned the church of England and Catholic church respectfully.
My parents encouraged my siblings and I to search out and question things around us. Politics, and current events were spoken often at the dinner table and as we grew into our teens especially we were encouraged to participate.
My parents had high moral standards and strongly believed that one should do what we could to help our fellow man.
It was precisely because of what they instilled in me that when I was introduced to the teachings of the bible I wanted to become a Christian.
At church I was speaking to some very godly people. People who love the Lord with all their heart and are working for Him. They told me that their adult children were not serving the Lord. My children are.
I’ve compared notes with these people and found some startling differences.
Now before I go any further let me make things clear I am not a child rearing expert. Nor do I claim to be perfect, especially when it come to raising a child.
I believe however that my children are serving the Lord because of the way my parents brought me up.
The Talmud states, “Whoever teaches his son teaches not alone his son but also his son’s son, and so on to the end of generations.”
Another Jewish writer Joshua Loth Liebman wrote, “Give your children unconditional love, a love that is not dependent on report cards, clean hands, or popularity.  Give your children a sense of your whole-hearted acceptance, acceptance of their human frailties as well as their abilities and virtues.  Give your children your permission to grow up to make their own lives independent of you.  Give them a sense of truth; make them aware of themselves as citizens of a universe in which there are many obstacles as well as fulfillments.  Bestow upon your child the blessings of your faith.  These are the laws of honouring your son and your daughter.  Out of these laws will be built the Declaration of Independence for the coming generation, a spiritual and emotional independence that, in turn, will make the world free, democratic, safe, creative."
The one key thing I hear from Christian parents who’s children are not serving the Lord are, “I wouldn’t let them watch anything that wasn’t Christian.”
Instantly when I hear that phrase I think of the forbidden fruit. Children want to know what’s on the other side of the fence and why they can’t go there.
In our house there was nothing off limits on the television except pornography. My children watched Homer Simpson and we talked about it after we’d watched it.
We watched things that in many Christian households would curl their hair. But we always talked about it.
We talked about Harry Potter, as well as the tales of Narnia
When something came up at church that my children didn’t understand or as they entered their teen years didn’t agree with, we talked.
There was open dialogue and there still is to this day even though they are now adults in their own right.
Today we are proud that are children are very active in the church they attend. One even goes on short term missions trips every year or two. Using his skills to help those less fortunate. I know their grandparents would be proud of them also.
Sadly I think Christian parents turn their children away from the Lord for several reasons.
First of all I think all too often they read Proverbs 22:15 which states,
“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” 
Then they read Proverbs 23:13,14 which states,
“Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.”
They see these two scriptures as they have to spank their child when he or she does wrong.
One commentary I read noted that the use of rod here is quite likely not an  expression for any kind of discipline. One does not always need to spank a child to discipline. There are many ways to show them they’ve done wrong that quite frankly work far better.
The one thing however when it comes to disciplining a child I see as being wrong is never, never, never, beat the child with scripture.
A friend of my son’s mother use to always lecture her son when he did wrong by quoting scripture. That young man while still friends with my son hardly ever attends church any more.
We need to build up our children. We don’t need to force anything on them. It is essential, that, we as far as we possibly can, live a good clean Christian life in front of our children.
Proverbs 4:3-13 states
“When I was a boy in my father’s house, still tender, and an only child of my mother, he taught me and said, “Lay hold of my words, with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you. Wisdom is supreme therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honour you. She will set a garland of grace on your head and present you with a crown of splendor. Listen my son, accept what I say and the years of your life will be many. I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along the straight paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hampered; when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.”
This is what we should be instilling into our children from the day they are born. Not telling them what they can’t do.
We need to give our children as they say a little slack. Always keeping a dialogue open. Willing to answerer all their questions to the best of our ability. And above all live a Christian life before them. That they may see what is right in the sight of God. Which is all we can do, because ultimately each individual must make a personal decision to accept the salvation offered by Christ.